


You always showed me how much you love me

by janjan_the_ninth



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a bit angst, paul is finally working through the trauma of watching hugh die and thinking he lost him forever, space boos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 01:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13471023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janjan_the_ninth/pseuds/janjan_the_ninth
Summary: Hugh is back alive and he and Paul are closer than ever. Everything is fine or is it?





	You always showed me how much you love me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Momos_weird_thoughts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momos_weird_thoughts/gifts).



> So this is the first One Shot I actually finished. And it's about our loved Space Boos. English is not my first language. The beta reader of this fanfiction is the lovely Momos_weird_thoughts. I gifted the work to her cause her involvement in the fandom and her creativity inspired me to finally write and complete a fanfiction. I hope you like it.

It was still early morning when Hugh woke up. Far too early if you asked him, especially after the double shift of the previous day. He was not sure what woke him but he didn’t care as long as he would be able to cuddle up next to Paul again and continue to sleep for a while. It was his favourite thing to do since he had miraculously returned from the mycelium network, from the dead. While he had seen the beauty of the network, the place had felt empty, like something essential was missing. And with the spreading sickness. Let's just say that he had been glad when he had suddenly woken up on the Discovery, with Pauls shaking body holding him so tight, like he was afraid he would disappear as soon as he’d let go. 

That had been two weeks ago and never had he enjoyed the time with his partner so much. Every morning he woke up in Paul’s arms and with a whispered ‘I love you so much’. There was so much to do, with them still being trapped in the other universe, but they spent every free moment together. And everytime he was greeted with a kiss and another ‘I love you’. 

His partner had probably told him ‘I love you’ more times in the last few days than he had in years they spent together. Not that Hugh would mind. Though he had always known how much Paul loved him. It’s like he had said in the network, Paul showed him his love often enough. 

Hugh turned so he could cuddle up to Paul only to notice that the other side of the bed was empty. So he had probably been awoken by the sound of the doors closing. Well he could understand that Paul had much to do, he had told Hugh about the progress they made yesterday and that he now had to run computer simulations for the next few days. Seems like he had wanted to start as soon as possible or that he had had a new idea that needed testing immediately. He loved the brilliant mind of his astromycologist, but he felt a bit sad that he missed the ‘I love you’ which he was sure Paul had whispered.

The morning continued and Hugh was already looking forward to his lunch date with Paul. To watch him talk enthusiastically about his research was something he loved. But Paul didn't appear. So he was back to missing lunch because of his research. He finished his food and was on his way to prepare a tray with some snacks for Paul when a call from medical that they needed him to start his shift earlier since there seemed to be an outbreak of the Levodian flu. Regretting that he didn't have the time to bring his genius something to eat, he made his way to the medical. 

With all the trouble with the Levodian flu Hugh wasn't able to take his break to make it to his dinner with Paul. He spent his break treating his patients. They finally had everybody infected in quarantine and could treat them without fearing another infections. While he was sure that Paul would understand why he couldn't make it to dinner, he was also a bit sad over the fact that his dear scientist didn't visit him. 

__________________

 

Paul’s start into the day wasn't good. He was woken by a message that demanded his attention instantly. He didn't want to wake Hugh, his dear doctor was exhausted and tired after his double shift and deserved to sleep in. Still he couldn't help but to kiss Hugh temple with a whispered ‘I love you my dear doctor’.

There was chaos in engineering. Someone had somehow deleted half of their progress to finally find a way back into their universe. They were lucky enough that the emperor loved Michael and allowed them to stay in an unused quadrant to work without any disturbances. Though he didn't know if that meant that the Discovery was free from any disturbances of the Terran Empire or if it had been to assure that the presence of the Discovery didn't influence the current situation in this universe.

Engineering had much to do even without having some moron destroy half of their work. Paul didn't have time to leave his station at all. His attention was on his work. Vaguely he noticed the change of shifts only because Cadet Tilly told him to take a break when her shift was over. He was so absorbed by his work and the testing of their break through from yesterday, that he didn't even notice the last Cadets leaving; leaving him alone with only the electric humming of the Discovery to keep him company. 

__________________

 

Hugh tried to not be disappointed when Paul wasn't in their quarters when his shift was over. He quickly took a shower in the hope that his partner would be have arrived till he was done. By the time he left the shower nothing had changed. For a short moment he thought about going to engineering to remind Paul that he had to sleep, but quickly dismissed the idea. Paul would surely come home soon. He changed into his pyjamas and took his PADD to read a bit until Paul would arrive. Even though he was already tired he wanted to stay awake and wait for his partner. They hadn’t seen each other the whole day and he missed him. They have been closer after everything that happened and rarely spend more than a few hours without seeing each other. So he could stay awake for a few more minutes.

Something woke him. Not Paul who gently nudged him awake to get him into a more comfortable position but an aching neck. Falling asleep while reading was no good for people his age, mused Hugh while trying to rub some tension out of his neck. A glance to the clock told him that was already 2am. He had slept for 3 hours and Paul still wasn’t back. He must had fallen asleep at work. Wouldn’t be the first time that happened. 

He threw his white medical jacket over his pyjamas and made his way over to engineering. Paul was probably the only one left so it wouldn’t be much of a problem to get him to their quarters. The door to engineering opened and sure enough, only his astromycologist was present, and so absorbed in his work that he didn’t noticed the doors that closed behind him.

__________________

 

“You know that you have a nice and comfortable bed, don’t you?” The voice of his dear doctor made Paul jerk around to look at the door. Hugh was there, walking down the stairs, towards him. He couldn’t identify the tone Hugh used, and he couldn't really see Hughs face. The lights were dimmed, Paul had dimmed them when he started to get a headache. Now he wished he hadn't done that.

“We haven’t seen each other over a day. I quite missed hearing ‘I love you’ while waking up.”, continued Hugh, his voice light and a tiny bit teasing. It was adorable and annoying at the same time that Paul sometimes forgot to take care of himself while working. But it was also one of the reasons why he loved Paul so much. He thought that he would get a quip in return to his teasing. Instead he noticed, even in the dimmed light, how Paul paled. He didn’t move or say a word. His left hand was raised a bit, as if he had wanted to reach out to Hugh until he freezed mid motion. 

“Paul?” Something was wrong. He’d never seen his partner grow stiff like this. Carefully he took a step forward. Something had startled Paul and he didn’t want to make it worse through some quick movements. When a sob left his partners lips he couldn’t stop himself from rushing to him. Not a moment to late since Pauls legs were too weak to support his weight.  
Hugh caught him before he fell and slowly lowered them down on the floor. He positioned them to lean against the wall, his arm was around Pauls shoulders who closely curled up to his side, with his head placed on Hughs collarbone. He rubbed circles on the distraught man’s shoulders, trying to provide some comfort. To no avail. The sobbing continued with Pauls body shaking with each sob. 

After a few moments Pauls started to mumble something between the sobs. First Hugh couldn’t understand what it was. When he did he felt faint himself. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me.”, continued Paul to mumble.

“Shhh, Paul, darling. Everything is ok. I’m not mad or disappointed. Please Paul. You did nothing wrong my dear.” The reasurrence didn’t work. The shaking even got worse. 

“Darling, please look at me.” He slowly put one hand on Pauls cheek, the other still rubbing circles on his shoulder. He ran with his thumb over his cheek to wipe away some of the tears which finally made Paul look at him. 

“Please my dear. Tell me what’s wrong.” He smiled reassuringly while his eyes were full of worry, hoping it’ll get Paul to talk. 

“I’m sorry. I didn't meant to forget you. To push you away.” Pauls voice hitched with the last sentence. 

“You didn't push me away querido. What gave you the impression?”

“I… I forgot to eat with you. I didn't tell you that I love you.”

“Shhh, I know that you love me. You always show me how much you love me.”

“That’s not enough. I need to tell you. I need to tell you so much. I already lost you once… What… What if I lose you again?”, sobbed Paul. Talking about what he feared since the moment Hugh came back to life, made the tears fall anew. “It could happen any moment. And then without the possibility to say goodbye. Without being able to tell you how much I love you.” His voice broke. “You were dead and it was my fault.”

“My love, it wasn't your fault that I died. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that.”

“You were in the sick bay because of me.”

“I was in the sick bay because that’s my job. And that doesn't really matter because my brilliant astromycologist brought me back to life.”

“I didn't. I was to stupid. I couldn't figure it out. Your brilliant astromycologist wasn't good enough to bring back the love of his life. If it had just been me you would still be dead. You can go to Tilly and thank her for bringing you back.” After he finished Paul tried to turn away, angry at himself for being so useless but the hand on his cheek made him look up again. 

“I did talk to Tilly. She told me how you worked on bringing me back without any breaks. How you were so tired that you couldn't even stand at your station anymore, until you collapsed. And how she then continued your work till you were able to return. How she found the little compound in the formula that was missing from making it work.” Hugh lowered his head a little bit so that their foreheads were touching. “You love me so much that you nearly worked yourself to death to bring me back. You love me so much that you listen to the hideous music I like, even though you hate it. You love me so much that you named a subspecies of mushroom you discovered after me. You love me so much that every time when you come home from your shift, you start to smile like you are the happiest person alive as soon as you see me.”

“I am.” The tears stopped falling and there was a small smile on Pauls face when he said that. 

“I know that you love me Paul. You don't have to say it to me four times a day. You don’t have to be afraid if you forgot to say it, cause I know and always will know how much you love me.” He lifted his head to kiss his partner’s forehead. “I love you too. And I’ll always be at your side.”

**Author's Note:**

> I loved the Culmets scene in Vaulting Ambition but I thought that it lacked a bit of angst (even though I cried so much watching it). So here you have a little one shot about how all this trauma affected Paul. This man definitely carries a lot of guild with him after everything that happened, which he tries to hide. Luckily he got Hugh.
> 
> Should you find any mistakes or have some suggestion for improvment feel free to write me. You can also find me on tumblr: janjan-the-ninth.tumblr.com


End file.
